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New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Actually Want To Keep

I am so thrilled to be a part of this blog tour! You can now start the blog tour here with Gracefull-Parenting.com!

My featured post is “Setting Yourself Up For 2018 Goal Success.”

 

 

 

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;)

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Setting Yourself Up For 2018 Goal Success

Do you ever feel like this at the beginning of a new year?

… SUPER motivated to reach for the moon with your New Year’s Goals in the beginning and then two weeks later (or less for me in the past🤫) …

…you realize you haven’t been keeping up with your goals and that they really weren’t very realistic to begin with!

Well NOT this year folks! Here are my tried and true tips for what I like to call “The New Year’s Goal Revamp.” Dun Dun DUNNNN…

But hold on a second, first we need to look at reasons many of us (me included) have given up on our goals in years passed. We REALLY get into the nitty-gritty details of these reasons in my Women’s Empowerment eCourse but here’s a cliff-notes quick peek for ya’ll…

I have included a Word Doc titled “New Year’s Goal Revamp” that you can fill out to help you make sure your New Year’s Goals for 2018 are a success… you’re welcome❤️😆

Here are some of the questions on the Word Doc that correlate to each of the “5 Reasons For Quitting” above…

  • Setting unrealistic expectations.

1. Are my goals truly realistic for my schedule and the season of life I am in? Am I trying to go from ground “0” (having never done it) to a 10 (going all out as an extremist) with any of my goals?

  • Getting overwhelmed and giving up.

2. Can I easily count my goals on one hand so that I will set myself up for success rather than for getting overwhelmed?

  • Comparing yourself to others.

3. Whoever I was inspired by to achieve each of these goals, can I continue to be inspired by them without comparing myself to them in a negative way?

  • Externally motivated instead of internally motivated.

4. If I’m externally motivated my goals are all about the external results (which likely won’t last a lifetime). If I’m internally motivated my goals will become life-long habits regardless of what happens externally. What are the internal reasons for achieving each of my goals?

  • Lack of support and accountability.

5. Having someone or something to be accountable to is a MUST! Figure out how you can make yourself accountable for each of your goals.

Here are a few ideas of how you can maintain accountability💡…

  • Put a $50 – $100 dollar bill in an envelope, seal it up and plan to open and keep the money at the end of the year if you met your goals. If you didn’t meet your goals plan to give it to someone and be sure to tell that person the plan at the beginning of the year.
  • Set a date with yourself in your calendar to do something to reward yourself if you met your goals at the end of every month. Tell someone about this who can be encouraging and follow up with you about it to make sure you do it!
  • Find other like-minded individuals who have similar goals and be a support to each other either in person or in an on-line group. Create your own FB group of individuals who can hold each other accountable!

***Most importantly,***

…when the days get busy or the times get tough (and they will…more often than not) remember this…

…and say to yourself, “Even though today is crazy and busy, what is one small thing I can do to work towards each of my goals today?” Nobody ever said that you have to do it 100% or not at all. So be careful not to give yourselves that excuse!!!

Helpful links…

Women’s Empowerment: New Year’s Goal Support (3 Week class in Mesa Az OR 3 Week Interactive eCourse)

De-Stress Journey: Figure our how to work through and overcome those things in your life that are causing you stress.

I Just Can’t Get Motivated: Tips to help yourself achieve your goals even when you are feeling unmotivated.

Free LIVE 12 min. workout: A workout starting from ground “0” because you can do ANYTHING for 12 min!

New Year’s Goals Revamp: A Word Doc to help your 2018 Goals succeed.

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;)

Women’s Empowerment 3-Week Session

Feel empowered. You need it, you deserve it, you’re worth it!

Now available as an eCourse or still available as an in-person Class in Mesa, AZ. See the end of this blog post for details.
Hello to all fabulous ladies!  It’s about time that you take time for YOU… your mental, emotional, and physical health depend on it! Whether you’re a stressed out mom, married, single, divorced, not-a-mom, old, young, or middle aged! You ALL will benefit from this!

This class is for women who desire to be less stressed, overwhelmed and self-conscious and instead become more carefree, relaxed and confident all while embracing our own strengths AND imperfections. The goal of this class is to empower you to obtain strength and balance in the upward mountain climb of life and become more gleefully YOU! Come support each other as we strengthen and develop the whole self mentally, emotionally, physically and socially. We need it, we deserve it, we’re worth it! 


It’s time to get that belief in yourself to the level you deserve!!

Find out what I’m all about on Facebook! <HERE>

FOR EMPOWERMENT SURVEY…  How empowered are you??? https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PGTNC79

To view February’s 3-Week Session DETAILS AND TO REGISTER CLICK  👉HERE<<<
il next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;)

I just CAN’T get motivated!!!

Do you ever feel like you just CAN’T get motivated on some days? I do! Typically on those days the only thing I end up getting done are the things that I’m in the habit of doing.

Why? Because when something is an established habit, you don’t need motivation to do it. You just do it because that’s what you do. It doesn’t take any time or energy to convince and motivate yourself to do it because you don’t have to think about it. It just happens because it’s a habit! 

Recently I wasn’t feeling well physically and mentally because I was in the first trimester of my pregnancy. I found that during this time, the only thing for certain that I could get myself to do was workout. Not because I love working out (I thought that would happen for me someday, but it hasn’t). Not because I felt good enough to work out (I for SURESIES did N-O-T) … but because it has been a habit that I have kept up with for a long time so I don’t even think twice about whether I’m going to do it or not. I just do it because that’s what I do out of habit.
Three easy things I did to establish a habit… 

 1. Find internal reasons why doing this habit consistently would be beneficial for me.

For example, internal reasons I found for working out was that it helped me manage anxiety and depression and increased my overall stamina and energy for the day. (Notice that internal reasons are very different than external reasons. External reasons don’t always carry us through, especially when the external results aren’t happening fast enough or the way we imagined and hoped. External results should be looked at more as a bonus! Not a necessity.) 

 2. Establish a set time, day, and location that I plan to complete this habit consistently. 

This takes out having to waste mind power on answering questions like… Where should I do this today? What time do I want to do this today? Do I even feel like doing this today? When I have that many unanswered questions, it’s a lot easier for me to just not do it at all!  

 3. Commit to someone else that I want to make this a habit and ask that person to ask me about it to hold me accountable. 

If you don’t have someone who can do that for you or if your habit is too personal to bring up to someone else, then try setting up a follow-up reminder in your phone to be accountable to. Decide that if the follow-up reminder goes off and you still haven’t done that thing you had wanted to do, do it right then, or schedule a time that day when you can make up for it as soon as possible.

And that’s it!!!

 Now that I’m done with the first trimester YUCKIES, I have realized ALL the other things that I want to turn into habits. My mind started overwhelming me with all the habits I wanted and needed to start! “Ok, ok, simmer down.” I have to tell myself. “Start with one thing at a time.” Self-compassion and patience with yourself is always beneficial when starting new habits. 

So start now, but start small.

 Until next time,

 Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)
 

It’s hard to get through the rough times without a bit of humor. Here’s my latest…

Motivational Tip 5: When You’re Trapped, Free Yourself!

Ever feel like you’re trapped in a box? In some sort of a vicious cycle that you or someone else put you in? I have. Now that I recognize the box I’m in, it’s much easier to climb out! But you can’t free yourself until you know what box you’re in.

According to The Arbinger Institute’s “Anatomy of Peace,” there are typically 4 types of boxes a person may find himself or herself in.

1. The Better-Than Box:

View of Myself – Superior, Important, Virtuous/Right

View of Others – Inferior, Incapable/Irrelevant, False/Wrong

View of World – Competitive, Troubled, Needs Me

Feelings – Impatient, Disdainful, Indifferent

2. The I-Deserve Box:

View of Myself – Meritorious, Mistreated/Victim, Unappreciated

View of Others – Mistaken, Mistreating, Ungrateful

View of World – Unfair, Unjust, Owes Me

Feelings – Entitled, Deprived, Resentful

3. The Must-Be-Seen-As Box:

View of Myself – Need to be well thought of, Fake

View of Others – Judgmental, Threatening, My Audience

View of World – Dangerous, Watching, Judging Me

Feelings – Anxious/Afraid, Needy/Stressed, Overwhelmed

4. The Worse-Than Box:

View of Myself – Not as good, Broken/Deficient, Fated

View of Others – Advantaged, Privileged, Blessed

View of World – Hard/Difficult, Against me, Ignoring me

Feelings – Helpless, Jealous/Bitter, Depressed

Do you see yourself in any of those boxes? I have a tendency to be in two of those boxes and now that I recognize it, I catch myself all the time! This is step one of getting out of the box… catching yourself in it so you can quickly climb out of it.

Getting stuck in these boxes can make achieving goals and living day to day a lot more stressful and overwhelming. Living out of the box is such a liberating experience.

One of the boxes I found myself in a lot was the “must be seen as” box. For me, I had to be seen as perfect/always happy/having everything “together” even though it wasn’t that way AT ALL. I didn’t even realize I was doing this to myself and that it was causing a lot of unnecessary anxiety and depression.

Something I did to help myself out of this box was allowing people to see me as imperfect, showing my true emotions to people, and letting people see that I don’t have it all together. Not only has this been very freeing for me but it’s also been very freeing for other people in my life to feel like they can be themselves around me.

I’d love to hear if you have recognized yourself being in any of these boxes if you don’t mind sharing!

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)

Motivational Tip 5: Self-Love

Hey everyone!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Whether or not you have a significant other… doesn’t matter! I’m going to focus on the importance of self-love for this week’s motivational thought. All you need for that is me, myself, and I! (Well… you, yourself and you;-)

Recently I went through an hour long competitive interview process for Mrs. Mesa Arizona International. The interview questions were challenging, in-depth, and thought provoking. I was well prepared for all of them, except for the last one…

“What do you love most about yourself?”

Say whaaaaaatttt????

That’s the only question that I was not prepared to answer! I had to take an extra moment to really delve in, self-reflect and find out what it was that I loved most about myself.

This was a challenge because I used to not want anything to do with self-love. I was under the impression that self-love was just an excuse for people to be self-absorbed, selfish, and vain. Come to find out, I was extremely misinformed!

Self-love isn’t that at all. Self-love is developing a healthy appreciation for your whole self. Supporting your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Recognizing and honoring your feelings. Embracing your imperfections and accepting your weaknesses as well as recognizing your strengths. When a person has this love for his or her whole self, achieving goals, self-improvement and loving others comes more easily.

What would you have answered to the question “What do you love most about yourself?”

It’s hard right!?

But seriously, answer the question. It’s the best valentine you can give yourself!

Here’s an excellent article about how to develop greater self-love from Psychology Today. Click here to view.

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)

Motivational Tip 4: Start Small

Have you ever felt like some days you’ve given yourself a lot of things to do and even though it is possible to complete it all, the feeling of stress and overwhelm make it harder to start and complete the tasks? I have. This used to happen to me a lot actually, until I began to change my processes of thought.

Have you ever felt like some days you’ve given yourself a lot of things to do and even though it is possible to complete it all, the feeling of stress and overwhelm make it harder to start and complete the tasks?  I have.  This used to happen to me a lot actually, until I began to change my processes of thought.

Changing my thought process helped me out with the following…

1. Getting myself to stop procrastinating.

2. Tackling a big project.

3. Getting stuff done even though I’m feeling tired or low on energy.

4. Feeling less overwhelmed when doing what’s required of me for the day.

5. Getting the stuff done that needs to get done and still having time to do stuff for myself that I’d like to do.

I realized that the thoughts I was having when I had a lot to accomplish were self-wallowing, over-reactive, and un-true statements. Things like, “I’m never going to get all this stuff done.” “I have too much to do, there’s no way I can finish it all today.” “Even when I do all that stuff, there’s just going to be a never-ending list for me to do after that, it makes it impossible for me to even want to start.”

These statements are unproductive and actually counterproductive. Instead I learned to change those statements and thoughts into more truthful statements like, “I may not get this all done today but I can get a portion done for sure.” “This project will be on-going for quite some time, so how about after I work on it for an hour I’ll spend a half hour doing something that I want to do just to break it up.” “How about I just start small instead of doing nothing at all.”

These types of statements make it easier to get started and get going on what needs to be done. This can help with feelings of stress and overwhelm and lead to a more productive way of life. Oftentimes, getting started is the hardest part and usually once I get going, I end up getting more done than I thought I could originally.

file-dec-09-9-36-44-am

Breaking up the have-to-do list with the things from my want-to-do list have really helped my motivation and productivity. When I have something planned that I want to do for my own enjoyment (like working on my hobbies, pampering myself mentally or physically in some way not having to do with food/drink/dessert etc.) it helps to make mundane tasks that I have to do seem less weighing because I have something that I know I can do for myself to lift my spirits part of the way through my have-to-do list.

During a time in my life when I gave up on all of my hobbies and things that I did only for me and my own enjoyment, I felt much more overwhelmed, stressed and depressed in completing my day to day responsibilities. If you feel like you’ve given up those types of things, I’d encourage you to rediscover them!

Some things I like to do for my own personal enjoyment are, dance or sing loudly to empowering music of my choice, going to belly dance class, composing songs, being goofy, relaxing in a bubble bath while listening to music that speaks to my current emotions, blogging, coming up with motivational quotes that I need at the moment and posting them on my Instagram, seeing and enjoying the beauty in nature, spending time with friends, or making YouTube videos.

I used to call my kids my hobby.  Although I love doing things with and for my kids, it just wasn’t providing me the mental and emotional strength and motivation that I needed. That’s certainly not the case for everyone. I used to think that my husband could be a good substitute for all of my hobbies and things that I did just for me. I learned later that having our own set of hobbies is actually a sign of a healthy relationship and a mentally and emotionally healthier me!
I’d love to hear about what you do just for you and any ideas about how you all get yourselves to dive into a big project or to-do list!

Click on the following links for my past motivational tips about self-compassion , self-approval , or overcoming what others think of you.

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)

Motivational Tip 3: What Others Think of You

This week I’d like to discuss the value of what other people think of you. There is some value in what others think, but not as much as most of us place on it. Being overly concerned about what other people think of you can be a burden and can create unnecessary stress. It can cause a lot of fear when it comes to putting yourself out there in your personal life or business pursuits.

 

At a young age I started down the path of placing too much value on what people thought of me. This had gradually become more severe for me throughout my life up until last year when my Psychologist/Therapist helped me realize how I was letting it affect my life to the point of giving me extreme anxiety. I had actually reached a point where I believed that if a person thought something about me, that in itself made it true. I began imagining people were thinking the worst of me much of the time and believed it was true, just because I thought they believed that of me.
I’m learning that this is actually a situation that many people find themselves in, not always to the extreme level that I experienced it. Studies show that many people overestimate how much, and how badly, others think about us. (See here for reference.)
My purpose in writing about this is to help people identify such things to prevent unnecessary stress and anxiety.  Here are some examples from my life that signified to me that I cared too much about what people thought of me…

-Finding myself frequently explaining my reasoning for my actions to people.

-Feeling silly, self-conscious or embarrassed when doing something in front of somebody else.

-Second guessing a post, text, or pic/video that I had originally felt good about when I first posted it.

-Bending over backwards to keep a person happy with me.

-Getting especially stressed out when my kids are misbehaving or acting their age in public.

-Frantically cleaning my house more than usual just because someone is coming over.
Everyone’s experiences will be different in one way or another from mine. The first step in changing is recognizing such things in your life so that it won’t cause stress and hold you back any longer.
If you have already noticed yourself being overly concerned about what people think about you, here’s what can be done.
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1. Realize that you cannot be in control of what others think of you.
2. Realize that whatever it is that you think they are thinking, they usually aren’t even thinking those things. And even if they are, that doesn’t mean it’s true.
3. Realize that typically what you think someone is thinking about you is actually what you think about yourself.
4. When you find yourself overly concerned about what a person might think of you, delve in and ask yourself specifics.
For example, “What am I worried people will think about me regarding _______.”
“I’m concerned that they will think that I’m _________.”
“Is it true that I am _________?”
“No it isn’t true that I am ________so I don’t need to worry about them thinking that.”
Or
“Yes, maybe I am________, so what can I do to change that so I don’t feel that way about myself anymore.”
These four steps are things that have helped me to overcome my anxieties surrounding what people think of me. If you’re interested in learning more about how to not worry about what people think of you, see this article from Psychology Today (click here).
Do you like this tip? If so, you might appreciate my weekly email that provides free motivational support to achieve your goals and dreams.  To sign up, click here.
If you know of a publisher, agent, or someone who would be willing to sponsor/publish a children’s book about this subject, please let me know by commenting below!
I’d love to hear your personal experiences regarding how you have overcome placing too much value on what other people think of you! Feel free to comment below! If you’re interested in my previous motivational tips, click the following Tip 1: Self-Compassion or Tip 2: Self-Approval.
 A special thanks to continuedoptimism.com for letting me use her quote.  Her blog has many inspiring words.
Until next time,
Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)

Motivational Tip 2: Self-Approval

Recently I have realized that whenever I feel stressed, overwhelmed, or pressured about something, those feelings can be relieved when I question myself, “What happened that created these feelings?” I like to refer to this “thing” that created those negative feelings as the “CONTENDING OPPONENT” in my internal battle that I’m experiencing. When I realize what the contending opponent is doing,  I can then talk myself through it in a self-compassionate way (see here for more about self-compassion) and then be able to get through those stressful moments sooner.

The Contending Opponent for me is typically one of the following:

  1. Needing (not just wanting) outside approval.
  2. Comparing myself to others.
  3. The inner-critic telling me I’m not good enough, not capable, not a good _______ (fill in the blank).
  4. My perfectionist tendencies that I hold myself to without mercy.

This week, the contending opponent for me was reason number 1. Placing too much value in needing someone to approve of me and think highly of me.  I’ve always had a dangerously deep need for outside approval and now that I recognize it, I realize how much stress it has created in my life. That extreme need for outside approval became powerful enough to undermine the approval I had of myself.

Of course we all have a natural desire to be liked and approved of.  However, when that desire for approval reaches such an extreme level, it can start to diminish a person’s identity because that person is so focused on being what everyone else would approve of. For much of my life, I had been doing everything based on how other people would approve of it and based on what they would think of it. Since I had no control of what anyone else thought of me, this left me in an extremely stressful place when a person did not approve of me or think highly of me. I have decided that I am done with giving other people that much power in my life.

So what can be done if you’ve found yourself overly dependent on having outside approval like I have? The first step is to recognize it.  This is the hardest part.  Once you start recognizing it you can start telling yourself things like…

I have self-worth regardless of what that person thinks.

I approve of what I’m doing and so it doesn’t matter if anybody else does.

I am doing this thing for personal reasons, not for that person’s approval.

I am the one in charge of my life and I accept myself and what I’m doing.

These are my go-to statements that are personal to what I struggle with. You can come up with your own!  I recommend writing them down and reading them frequently, especially when you start feeling the need for outside approval.

I made a video about my experience last week where my extreme need for having a person’s approval of me created stress and what I did about it…

 

If you would like to learn more about the need for approval read this article here from Psychology Today.

If you’re interested in my blog post about perfectionism, click here.

If you’re interested in my blog post about comparing yourself to others, click here.

If you’re interested in my blog post about the inner-critic, click here.

If you would like to be a part of my Motivational Support Group and receive an email once a week with psychology based tips such as this, click here!

 

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)

 

 

Motivational Tip 1: Self-Compassion

Happy first week in January everybody!!! 2017 is here and already I woke up UNMOTIVATED! What should I do?  I have people counting on me to motivate them in their New Year’s Goals! Here’s what I did…

It’s called self-compassion BABY!!!
Last year was the first time I had ever heard about this term. Little did I know back then, what a difference it can make in being motivated to accomplish goals.
 
Self-compassion involves being kind, caring and understanding with yourself instead of being critical or judgmental. It also recognizes that all humans are imperfect and to be patient with those imperfections in yourself. Lastly, being aware of any stressful or overwhelmed feelings in a clear and balanced manner so that you aren’t  ignoring or obsessing about disliked aspects of your life or yourself (Neff, Kristin, Ph.D. “Let Go of Self-criticism and Discover Self-compassion.” Psychology Today. Psychology Today, 18 Mar. 2011. Web. 04 Jan. 2017).
 
Some examples from my life when I caught my inner-critic up to no good and changed that pathway of thought into being more self-compassionate;
 
Inner-critic says, “You’re such a bad mom, you never make cookies for your kids.”
 
Self-compassionate me says, “I’m good at doing other things for my kids, just because baking cookies isn’t one of them, doesn’t make me a bad mom.”
 
Inner-critic says, “You’re house is never clean, you are such a bad wife/housekeeper.”
 
Self-compassionate me says, “Ya, the house is messy and it’s because I have 3 young kids who are still learning how to be clean and we’re human and it’s normal for messes to happen.”
 
Once you respond to yourself in that self-compassionate way, it takes away the stress and pressure and feelings of overwhelm. Then it makes it easier to look at it in a more balanced way and make any changes if you desire.
 
I made a video yesterday about my experience that I had when I woke up and immediately felt overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious about the day. I explain what I did and how self-compassion helped me to get through those feelings a lot faster and easier so that I could still accomplish my goals for the day!
 
Here’s the video…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpsdplfRVl4

If you are wanting an eCourse that helps you with your goals in a self-compassionate way click here.

Here’s more information about becoming more self-compassionate from Psychology Today.  Click here to view.

Until next time,

Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)