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Below is the 5th out of 5 MAJOR reasons for giving up on a dream and how to overcome that reason. All of the reasons listed in my mini-series posts are created by a person’s own inner-critic. The name I have given for that inner self-critic is “The Brain Bully.” Do not let it bully you around and have free reign over your mind!
Overcoming reason number 5: (Comparing yourself to others who have already successfully accomplished your dream.)
Nothing is wrong with observing what other people have done with their goals and dreams and getting inspired by them to do something about your own dreams. However, the Brain Bully will try to find a loophole to barge into this innocent observance by stating things like,
“You’ll never be as successful as her/him.” Or, “Maybe you’d be that good if you’d started a long time ago when you were younger.” Or, “You should be working towards your goal right now but you’re not.” Or, “No matter your personal abilities, that person will always do it better than you.” These type of statements are poison to achieving your dreams. KICK THAT BULLY OUT TO THE CURB ONCE AND FOR ALL!
“STOOOOOOOOP BULLYING ME YOU BULLYING BULLY-FACE!!!!”
Now that the bullying has stopped, you can figure out the bully’s message that it is trying to get across to you. Remember, bullies usually have feelings or a message to communicate but just don’t know how to do so in a productive way. Perhaps in this situation your bully just wants to let you know that you are capable of doing great things just as that person you are admiring. Your results may look different because you aren’t the same person but your talents can take you far just as that person has progressed in his/her talents. Admiring and comparing are very different actions. Admiring someone who inspires you to be your best self is very helpful. However, comparing yourself to other people and their strengths and accomplishments can be a discouragement to making self-progress.
We live in a day in age where we have the opportunity to be involved with social media pictures and videos at our fingertips. This can be inspirational for helping us get ideas about what amazing things are possible and has the potential to motivate us as long as we keep the Brain Bully behind bars while doing so. If you start feeling guilty while viewing social media, ask yourself, “why am I feeling this way because of this?” Figure out what the Brain Bully is telling you and figure out what you can do about it’s underlying message.
When you start measuring your own successes against someone else’s standard, someone who is in a different circumstance than you, all of the sudden what you were so proud of yourself for achieving before becomes less praiseworthy in your head. This can be very discouraging when you are working towards a goal or dream. To avoid this, try thinking instead things like,
“I’m making progress according to where I was last year in achieving this goal.” Or, “Doing something small to achieve my dream is better than doing nothing at all.” Or, “If I continue working towards my dream in steady increments, I will become better and better.” Or, “I will eventually find my own success unique to me alone but only as I keep trying without giving up.”
Great empowerment comes when you compare your progress only to your own self. That same empowerment comes when you set your own standard, work towards it and achieve it according to that standard and not anyone else’s.
Recognize the fine line between getting inspired by others and comparing yourself to others. Getting inspired by other people can be a great motivator but comparing yourself to them can be an inhibitor of your success.
Sometimes we have this idea of what the perfect person would do and compare ourselves to that. This is an easy way for the brain bully to sneak in… so beware! If this perfectionist ideal is something that causes you stress, you may find my post “3 Steps to Become an IMperfectionist” helpful. Click here to view.
So, is it really better not to have a dream at all? NO WAAAAAYYYY! If you have realized that your dreams are buried, just as mine were not too long ago, don’t worry. Your dream will come back to you as you start simply by doing something each week that you are passionate about; something to better yourself in your own abilities and talents.
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If you would like to be a part of my “2017 New Year’s Goals Google Group” where we will motivate, support each other and have accountability to each other for our goals, click here and then click on application request. Comment below this blog post so I know to look for your applicant request!
For more information about the dangers of comparing yourself to others and how to do it in a more helpful way see this article from Psychology Today written by Deborah Carr, Ph.D. Click here to view.
Until next time,
Be Gleefully Me (as you not as me;-)
If you’re interested in joining my New Year’s Goals 2017 support group! View this video!!!